I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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