The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
