yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize