Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
