Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
