my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
