I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
