Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
