We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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