Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
