You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
