my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
