He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
