My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
