oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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