i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
