Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
