Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
