yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
