Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
