my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
