remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
