thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
