i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize