dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
