last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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