i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
