I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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