Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize