I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
