Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
