Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I supernannyed him into submission
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
