my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
