She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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