I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
