How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
