I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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