he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The power of my boobs compel you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
