i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
