So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
