No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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