I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
