he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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