She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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