Kareoke will never be a sober sport
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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