Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
