if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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