in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
