grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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