True but thats because hes a fetus.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we're making bets on your personal life
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
