i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
