hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
being pregnant is like rehab
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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