My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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