can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
