The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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