Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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