i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
