What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
