Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
