Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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