I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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