what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
