Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
