were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
