he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
