I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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