He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
