Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
