Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
