Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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