i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
