If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
