I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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