i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
