You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
