really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
