look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
