My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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