guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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