My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
