so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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