mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
