it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize