Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
