Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
