You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
