I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize