A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
