u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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