Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
