yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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