out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
