She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
