What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
