Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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