i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize