you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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