will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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