Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
