we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
time to smoke my breakfast
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
