She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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