If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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