mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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