Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
