we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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