I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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