I am in a vortex of obligation.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
