she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
