I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
