I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
As shirtless as possible
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I supernannyed him into submission
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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