at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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