My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
