My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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