You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
