You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
