I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
