My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
