so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
