If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize