I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
