I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
